Maternal - How would you define that word? I am fortunate that for me it evokes unconditional love, guidance and nurturing. This Sunday is Mother’s Day. Most of these ‘hallmark’ holidays are somewhat of a mixed bag. Valentine's Day for example, is a day that many people who don’t have a partner might dread. Incidentally, it is the one day all year when Sandy celebrates my lack of romance. He is glad that I have no need or desire for overpriced roses. Mother’s day has the potential to be even more triggering. I clearly remember five years ago when I lost my mom. That Sunday in May loomed for weeks like an impending shadow as what would be my first motherless Mother's Day. Every time I turned on the TV or the radio, there it was, Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day. What are you going to buy your mother this year? Where will you take your mother? Show your mother how much you love her. Newspapers, magazines, it was everywhere! It got me thinking. There must be so many of us out there. People who never had a mom, people who have lost a mom. Moms who lost a child, women who couldn’t have children, women who made the choice not to have kids but feel a twinge every once in a while. There are also so many wonderful families with no mommy but two amazing daddies. How about immigrant families who are forced to be separated? The list goes on and on. Ouch! But for the lucky families who have a mama in their lives, I have some thoughts. Make sure that you and the important people in your life know each other's love languages so that when celebrations and holidays come around, any offerings feel like they are nourishing rather than disappointing. Spoiler alert, a new vacuum cleaner might not be the best present. For the children and partners looking for the perfect gift for mom, consider giving the gift of time. Go on a special outing, take lots of photos. Have the kids cook a festive dinner. Memories are more valuable than jewelry. Okay go ahead and throw in some chocolate covered strawberries, but you get the idea. Actually forget the strawberries - give mom a nap! Or remove the bath toys and set up the tub with candles, soft music and maybe some bubbles. Most essentially, the door is clicked shut and mommy has the option for a bit of solitude. Make a new Mother’s Day tradition to tell your kids stories about your mothers, grandmothers, and great grandmothers. Did they have some favorite songs? Sing them! Did they have a favorite recipe? Bake it! One of my best friends, Dee-Dee, flipped it and made it a tradition to write a mothers day note to each of her children. I love that! Take some time for introspection and think of some wisdom you got from your own mother or grandmother. I know that not everyone counts themselves as lucky as I am when it comes to their relationship with their mom. Nevertheless, I maintain that EVERYONE can find something positive to put on this list, even if it is to teach you what NOT to do or say.
For those of you in the middle generation, savor these years. You have your mom and your kids. If you are lucky, maybe there are some grandparents in the mix. Being the magic middle of the sandwich might present some challenges, but please TREASURE these years. My kids were fortunate in the grandmother department. Here is a post that I wrote about their other Grandma, my mother-in-law, who was quite remarkable in so many ways. Let’s go back up to the word maternal at the beginning of this post. In my mind that word isn’t as tightly linked with gender or biology as one might think. The word mother is traditionally female, but the origin of the word is actually old Germanic meaning source. Anyone can mother! Who are the maternal figures in your life? Reach out and give them a little acknowledgement (or a chocolate covered strawberry!) In that vein, Happy mothers day to everyone. |
No comments:
Post a Comment