PLEASE SEE THE UPDATED SLEEP POST August 2019...That post will have links to all the other sleep sections..
Due to popular demand, here are a few sleep tidbits
For the most part I am a big believer that decisions
involving sleep are a very personal
choice made by each family to figure out what fits their own unique situation.
Some folks all sleep in the same bed.
Others have the baby in a separate room and the parents are
comfortable letting them cry it out if they wake up during the night.
Everyone needs to figure out what works best for their
family (and hopefully both parents have figured out a compromise)
I tend to fall somewhere in between the two extremes (I do NOT worry that your baby will have
future psychological damage or attachment issues from some fussing at night)
There are many books out there on the subject and many of
them make good points,
Dr Ferber (who tends to be one of the“cry it out guys”)
says something that really resonated with me. We ALL have sleep cycles and may
have periods during the night where we semi wake up.
You might fluff your pillow, go pee or have a sip of water
and then go back to sleep.
But….if you woke up and your pillow was missing, you
wouldn’t simply turn over and go back to sleep. You would be up!! Where the
heck is your pillow??
Guess what. If you are nursing your baby, they fall asleep
and you sneak them into their bed, it is no surprise that when they come to a
light sleep cycle they wake up fully. Hey, where is that breast, bottle,
pacifier, rocking body?
As much as our instincts lead us to PUTTING the baby to
sleep, we are better off letting them soothe themselves down.
It is certainly okay to pat them and make loving shoooshing
noises, but every time you are able to put your baby down while they are still
drowsy, you are a giant step closer to getting a baby who can sleep through the
night.
Feeding at night
Once your baby is over 3 months of age and at least 11
pounds, they can start giving you a longer stretch at night.
I would encourage you to feed every 2 ½ -3 hours during the day. Don’t let any nap go
longer than 2 ½ hours.
At night, let them give you a longer stretch. Their little
bodies have a lot of growing to do while they are sleeping. It is actually
better for them to not be spending the energy digesting.
Watch their pattern. Once they have shown you that they can
go 4 or 5 hours at night. Try not to back slide. It is okay to comfort if they
wake up, but I would do my best to avoid falling into the “feeding because it
is easy” trap.
One of the things I like to say is, imagine if you were up in the middle of the
night and having a hard time getting back to sleep. Someone is trying to help
you. They might rub your back or stroke your hair. They might offer you a sip of water. They would likely not
offer you a turkey sandwich.
Eventually we want your baby’s nighttime to be food free.
There are lots of lessons that get taught in a quest for
your child to sleep through the night.
In my opinion, let us let the first lesson be that night
time is NOT the time for a meal.
I don’t know of ANY sleep training that doesn’t involve some
fussing, but my method is fairly gentle.
I tend to start with
fairly low expectations. If a baby is getting adequate milk during the day, no
one should need to eat more often than every 3 hours during the night. (let’s
consider night time as soon as you go to bed and until the sun comes up)
If they wake up
sooner than 3 hours, someone can check in on them (best not a mom who is
nursing) but food is simply not an
option until the magic 3 hours mark. After a few days stretch it to 3 ½
hours and so on.
You can certainly check on them, change the diaper, even
offer ½ ounce of water. If you think they might be teething go ahead and try
some homeopathic teething gel. You are present for them, just not offering food
( think turkey sandwich). If you want to
sit next to the crib and sing, that is up to you. The main lesson is that night time isn’t meal time.
The Ferber method involves going in to check on them and try
to settle them in increasingly longer increments. First time might be 5
minutes, then waiting 10, then waiting 15 etc
I have actually found that some babies tend to get much
madder if you go in at all and many parents
just leave them awake and crying until the next feeding opportunity has come.
You guys need to figure out what works best for you
Night time feedings should always dark, quiet, business
like.
Once babies learn to fall asleep on their own and don’t
expect to eat at night, you will start to roll in the right direction.
Listen, it is really wrenching to let your baby cry. In my
case I had to do some hard rationalization until I was able to go through with
it (My husband was the main sleep trainer in our family)
Here are some of the factors that convinced me that it had
to happen..
- Many people are lousy sleepers their entire lives. If you can potentially give your child the tools that it takes to be a good sleeper and it only costs a week or two of crying, it is worth it
- You have to “put your own oxygen mask on first”. Sleep deprivation is an awful thing. In order to be the best parent that you can possibly be, you need to be rested.
Take shifts.
If you are lucky enough to be in a two parent household,
there is no reason for both of you to be up all night. Figure out a way for
each parent to get a three or four hour shift of being OFF DUTY. Once you have spread out the feeding
expectations this will get easier to figure out. It is amazing how wonderful
that little stretch of being off duty feels. NO guilt. You each get a turn.
Even the best sleeper will need a tune up once in a while.
Traveling babies almost always need an adjustment but these little tweaks are
almost always way easier than the first go round of sleep training.
If you suspect that your baby may be ill, in my opinion that
is not a good time for ‘crying it out’ . I often get folks in to the office for
a quick visit with their doctor so that we can make sure they are well. (sometimes ear infections can cause sleep disruption)
Worried about disturbing your neighbors with night time noise? Sometimes a proactive bottle of wine, some ear plugs and little note explaining that you are sleep training goes a long way.
Worried about disturbing your neighbors with night time noise? Sometimes a proactive bottle of wine, some ear plugs and little note explaining that you are sleep training goes a long way.
May the force be with you. You will get through this..