Kids and Pets
May is national Pet month!
There are so many benefits to having a pet.
They offer us many life lessons, regardless of species.
Compassion: They teach us about unconditional love. When friends are being mean and parents ‘just don’t understand’, there is nothing like a cat on your lap or a dog snuggling to make everything easier.
Stronger system: Being exposed to a pet early in life may also be good for the immune system.
Less allergies: Studies consistently show that children born into houses with pets have less allergic issues later in life: less eczema, less seasonal allergies, and less asthma. Some studies have shown a “dose-dependent” response, meaning the more pets you have, the greater the reduction in allergies.
Less food allergies: On the same theme, a study out of Japan found that children with pets were 15% less likely to have food allergies . This is consistent with the fairly recent data that indicates that introducing foods like peanuts early can minimize developing allergies. Exposure can have a positive impact!
Happier heart: Pets can actually lower blood pressure and increase oxytocin.
More movement: Having a dog is a great way to have everyone in the family get more exercise.
Lessons about grief: It is likely that at some point our animals will break our hearts when they die (unless we are talking about a parrot who can live for 90 years) , but this gives a valuable opportunity to learn about loss and grief.
You might notice that teaching responsibility is missing from the list. In my experience it is better to accept the reality right from the beginning that it is NOT going to be your child who remembers to feed them. They are certainly not going to be up at 6 am taking them out in the rain (thank you Sandy).
I would advise against unreasonable expectations that will just lead to disappointment.
Introducing a baby when you are already a pet owner
Pets are essential and much loved members of the family. In some cases they may actually feel like your first child. When it is time to add ‘non furry’ offspring to the mix, here are a few things to consider (the cat section looks anemic because they are on average easier to manage with an infant).
Cats
Many cats tolerate the addition of a new infant without much fuss. My main consideration is keeping the cat out of the crib or bassinet (yes I have had cats, I realize that this means they will stake their claim despite your wishes!) This might take some creativity on your part, but be consistent. For safety reasons, I don’t want any unsupervised snuggles, especially when the baby is sleeping.
Dogs
The vast majority of the time, the relationship between your dog and the new baby will be beyond magical. A little preparation can go a long way.
Before the baby comes home
Establish trust: Try to make sure that the relationship you have with your dog is based on trust, cooperation, and communication rather than dominance.
Increase exposure to touch: You can be gentle, but get in the habit of touching the dog everywhere, including tail and ears so that they get used to it. This can be helpful in general, not just because they will be exposed to kids.
Acclimate them to the sound of babies: Get some recordings of friends' babies crying or screaming. Playing it once in a while may help them get used to the sounds. Even better, have some closely supervised opportunities to be with other children or babies. But keep in mind, not all dogs like kids, just like some kids never warm up to dogs.
Prepare the environment for changes: Have the baby equipment in the house and let them know the rules (like no jumping on it).
Practice exposure to barriers: If you are going to have toddler safety gates up at some point, having your dog get used to those in advance might be very beneficial.
Expose them to the baby’s scent: Some folks suggest that right before the baby comes home, have grandparent or partner bring home something that smells like the baby. This could be a blanket or a shirt. Let the dog have a good sniff. Others claim this is a myth, but it certainly doesn’t hurt.
Create a safe area for them: Make sure the dog has a safe area that they can retreat to if they need some space. A study that was done of Philadelphia emergency room visits found that 77% of dog bites are actually from a dog that belongs to a family or friend. Let’s avoid that.
Once the baby comes home
During the initial newborn phase, it makes sense to try and decrease exposure to potentially harmful bacteria. In the first 4-6 weeks, most baby skin is very thin and they are defenseless. This means keeping things as clean as possible.
Minimize licking from pets: I am not going to lose sleep over some dog kisses, but try to minimize pet kisses on the face or any rashy areas of baby skin. Those are areas where bacteria could most easily enter.
Thoroughly wash hands: Do extra good hand washing when changing the litter box or picking up dog poop.
Keep an eye out: Make sure you closely supervise any interactions with your dog and your new baby. If the baby and dog are on the floor near each other, always make sure there is a barrier between them (can just be your leg), especially in the early days when the dog might not be used to the baby’s noises and sudden twitchy movements. Make sure the dog is not exhibiting any behaviors that you need to worry about. If the dog is at all growly, it is essential to get set up with a good trainer. If the dog continues to be stressed, as heart wrenching as it may be, they might need to be temporarily placed in a home with no kids.
Earlier signs of doggie stress can include:
Licking lips
Panting
Yawning when they are not tired
Pacing
By the time the dog is growling, it is possible that these other signs weren’t given the attention that was warranted.
There are great professionals that have programs helping dogs live with children.
Here are 3 Instagram accounts:
https://instagram.com/
https://instagram.com/
https://instagram.com/
Training can make all the difference.
And now they can crawl……
Once your child has the ability to chase after them, if the cat feels threatened, they may give someone a good swipe if they aren’t in the mood to be bothered. Kids learn pretty quickly what the rules are. Essentially that the cat is in charge.
I don’t want to downplay the impact of cat scratches, but it is difficult to completely avoid them until the little one and the cat come to some kind of understanding.
It is especially important to pay attention to any deep ones that break the skin. Those can get infected fairly easily. It is essential to clean them well and apply an antibiotic ointment. Run a picture by your pediatrician early, and let them know the scratch was from a cat. Any fevers, swollen lymph nodes, redness or red streaking appearing around the scratch site should be evaluated
Dogs can’t leap out of the way as easily as the cat, so even with the most loving dogs always make sure your dog has a safe, kid free zone that they can retreat to if they need a break. If they have a crate, make sure that it is off limits for the kids.
When your child is just a little bit older, try to teach your little one a gentle petting technique. Help them make a fist except for one finger and just use that finger for petting. Or pet with the back of the hand. This can hopefully keep the kids from grabbing hunks of fur.
Food
Meow mix generally doesn't hurt anyone, but you want to make sure that the pet food is not left out where a child can get into it. More importantly, animals need to be able to eat in an area where they aren’t going to be bothered.
Once your child starts eating solid foods, be aware of what foods are toxic to pets, because it is a sure thing that some of those will land on the floor.
Other considerations
Allergies
Unfortunately lots of folks are plagued with pet allergies. I have seen remarkable improvement from a variety of allergy treatments, some are non-invasive.
In the SF Bay area options are:
Allergy and Asthma Medical Group
NAET allergy elimination treatments with Sharon Sasaki
Litter Box
Now, getting a little more disgusting, make sure the litter box is somewhere where the child has no access. I lost count of the calls that I used to get from horrified parents that their baby just had a snack of cat poop.
Fleas
Fleas are a problem in many areas. If your crawling child starts getting little red spots, consider that those might be flea bites. When not on your pet, fleas tend to hang out on the carpets and while they might not bother you, your child is spending more time on the rug and presents a tasty treat. If this becomes an issue, it is worth reaching out to your vet and getting your animal on some flea medications.
Pinworms
Pinworms are primarily a human parasite, dogs don’t carry the type that humans can catch, but if there is an environment where pinworm eggs might be present, they can carry them on their fur or paws. If you are in the unfortunate situation when you are dealing with this issue, getting the dog bathed should be part of the clean up routine.
Much more on pinworms in a different blog post, here.
Poison Oak
Dogs are generally not affected by the plant's urushiol oil, but it can stick to their fur. When kids (and adults) pet or cuddle dogs who have been around poison oak, they may come into contact with the oil and develop an allergic reaction. It’s important to be vigilant and to thoroughly wash their dogs if they suspect exposure to poison oak, especially after hiking or walking in areas where the plant is common. Regular bathing and grooming can help reduce the risk of urushiol oil transmission from pets to humans. More on poison oak, including treatment, here.
Interacting with pets of friends or family members
If you are visiting a friend or relative's house and they have a pet, ask them explicitly if the animal has any history at all of aggressive behavior with children. Some folks have a blind spot where their beloved pets are concerned and lose their common sense. If there is any doubt please ask that the pet be kept away from your child.
Interacting with unfamiliar dogs
It is basic common sense not to reach through a fence or into a car to pet a strange dog (although common sense is sadly not as ‘common’ as I would wish).
But what about pets that are out and about with their owners?
Alisha Ardiana from Empawthy strongly believes that dogs deserve access to public spaces without being put in the position of having to interact with strangers. Some animals, walking on leash or tied up outside a store may be stressed and don't feel comfortable being approached. Don’t take it personally if the owner prefers that their dog be left alone. I used to be in the ‘ask permission’ camp until I met Alisha and read the following article: Your children and dogs they don’t know
If you can’t help yourself (I get it, I can’t pass a golden without stopping to say hello):
Ask the owner if you can see if the dog might be open to some petting.
Now it is the dogs turn to indicate if they are interested in interacting. If it isn’t crystal clear that the dog is fine with the attention, err on the side of caution and give the dog space.
Don’t have any expectations.
If you do get the 'all clear' to say hello, demonstrate the safest and best way to meet any new animal. Show your child how to hold out their hand first. Tuck the thumb inside the fist so that there are no fingers sticking out. Respect the animal’s personal bubble. Let the animal come to them to give them a sniff. Remember!!! Even if the owner says it's fine, but the doggie isn’t interested, move on.
Thinking of adding a pet to your existing family?
No one should be surprised that I think having a pet is a wonderful thing. In our case, our family was adopted by a semi-stray Siamese cat when Lauren was still a baby. George (we didn’t name him) lived a very long life and I am sure never regretted choosing us as his family. A cat who comes to seek out ‘toddler love’ is indeed a cat who craves attention of any sort. We also wanted a dog.
My mother-in-law had plenty of strong opinions. Among them were some pearls of wisdom that resonated with me.
Her theory was: All children need a dog, teenagers especially so. There is nothing quite like the unconditional love of a dog to get you through tough times. The last thing an adolescent needs is to lose their dog during those tumultuous years. Barring an unforeseen tragedy, the lifespan of a dog is roughly predictable, so plan accordingly. If you have multiple pets, then this piece of advice is much less relevant.
When she first mentioned this to me I was actually a little horrified. It felt so callous and calculating, but I thought about it a little further and it actually made a good bit of sense.
We followed her advice and ended up getting our beautiful golden Java when my girls were 9 and 12. We were blessed to have her with us for 12 wonderful years. Our family was much richer because of it. George and Java were great friends as long as Java knew who the boss was.
For an extra pet safety tip and a story about Java stealing a bologna sandwich, click this link to an old post.
Big thank you to Alisha Ardiana (Dog trainer extraordinaire) for her valuable input on this post. In addition to the above instagram links, Alisha shared the following resources that might be valuable to any families trying to foster a healthy and safe relationship between dogs and kids
https://www.thefamilydog.com/
https://cannondogtraining.com/
Meet my granddogs
Here is Bowie,
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Bowie is the type of dog who is too smart for his own good and needs a job.
As soon as Elliot came along it became apparent that he now was in charge of making sure the baby stayed safe.
He has welcomed Coby to the family without any concern
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I personally showed him the baby’s first shirt. He sniffed it thoroughly and then, if he could talk, he would have said, “okay, he’s mine, I will help take care of him”
Here is Waffles with Sawyer. Waffles finds his brother completely delicious and started licking him all over from day one. There was no stopping him. There were no issues. They are inseparable.
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