My mom was a teacher. She was that favorite teacher that people never forget. After she died, ex students reached out to say how my mother was the one who steadied them, gave them a sense of what they could do and sent them off, better able to cope with the path ahead. Teaching was not only her career, but one of the main aspects of who she was.
I would like to honor her memory this Mother’s Day week to pass along some of the life lessons that she taught her children, grandchildren, friends, and students.
Reach past the grumpy countenance to find the person behind it.
My mom had a private little game. How long would it take to get on, as she called it “kissing terms” with people she met. She was pretty hard to resist and even the most sullen security guard at the bank would break out into a sunny smile when they saw her.
Take the time to reach out to people.
Mom was a letter writer. She stayed in steady contact with older relatives and friends who were otherwise alone. If someone was ill, they would get a card or a call.
Take a moment to give positive feedback.
My mom had cancer the last years of her life. I remember going with her to her chemo appointment once when I was visiting home in Pittsburgh. She was hugged by everyone we encountered. She knew everyone by name. She brought seeds from her garden.
We were called back to get her blood drawn. The phlebotomist reached into her drawer to show me a letter that my mom had written to the facility, telling them what a good job this woman did. She still had the letter, many years later. The valet parker pulled out a similar letter when we went down to get the car.
Wonder about things
Mom was known far and wide for her story telling ability. She could have a roomful of energetic kids quiet and hanging onto her words within a moment. If she saw something odd, like a pair of shoes left at the playground, it would be fodder for a story. How did those shoes get there? Who left in such a hurry and why?
You don’t have to follow a script
Her stories would take random and unexpected turns. No story was ever the same. There was always an underlying theme of kindness.
You CAN teach an old dog new tricks.
My younger sister is a National Park Ranger. My parents took full advantage and turned all vacations into opportunities to visit the parks where Amy was working. Mom was exceedingly proud that for her 60th birthday she got her first pair of hiking boots.
Stay active
When she could no longer go for walks, she did chair yoga or got on her stationary bike.
Find a way to relax
She was a reader and read an assortment of genres, but she unashamedly plowed through the harlequin romances. You know the ones with the shirtless, muscled, long haired Fabio types on the cover? Yep. Those. She always had one in her purse. I bought her a couple from her favorite author and Amazon has never let me forget it. (if you ordered this, you also might like…..)
Having a sense of humor is imperative
Be self aware and recognize your own needs
Mom was very social, but in her mid adult years she realized that she needed to carve out some alone time. She became a morning person. She used to say that the dawn belonged to those who chose it. She relished her quiet time while the rest of us were still asleep.
Get involved
Mom was the block watch captain. It is also no surprise that she was the girl scout and Brownie troop leader. She also became the accompanist, playing piano for all sorts of school shows.
Give your kids the opportunity to learn an instrument
Both of my parents were amateur musicians. I confess that I took it for granted that there was often chamber music going on in my living room. My mom thought that it was a special gift to learn an instrument that could be part of an orchestra. I only learned piano. My older sister Marjie played all sorts of things and sat next to my mom in the cello section for the local Gilbert and Sullivan troupe. (My dad sat right in front of them playing the violin.)
Have a family pet (say yes to the stray that finds you)
Unless there are horrible allergies, let your children grow up with the love of a pet. My childhood house had cats, birds, fish and gerbils. Marjie attracted strays like magnets (still does), and somehow they were allowed to stay.
Don’t be a pushover, if you see an issue, say something or do something about it. Yours might be the voice that ultimately makes the change happen. Potholes? Speed bumps? Mom wasn’t shy about taking her letter writing to her congressman or newspapers,and oh by the way, the congressman and the mayor?... Kissing terms!
Vote
It was ingrained in me early that you should never skip an election, regardless of how insignificant the issues might be. Our right to vote is sacrosanct. Some of my earliest memories are accompanying my parents to the voting booth. When she was no longer able to get out of the house, she had an absentee ballot.
Be kind to the earth
Mom was an avid gardener. Her favorite plants were her “silver dollar” money plants. She would pass out the seeds to anyone with a garden. If there are any gardeners out there who want some, let me know. Her seeds live on. I think they can grow just about anywhere.
She also hated waste, She could spot potential treasure or art projects in the most mundane articles. My parents were recycling many years before it came into fashion.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself”
She was never too worried about perfection. Giving a good effort, rather than a successful outcome, was what mattered.
“It is what it is, and you do the best you can” is a motto that I continue to live by.
In that vein, mom herself was of course, not perfect. She could hold a grudge like nobody’s business. I can still hear her saying “When I turn off, I turn off.” No more kissing terms for THEM.
In an interesting twist, this was just as important of a lesson as all of the others. From it, I learned the importance of forgiveness. Releasing all the negative energy is something I find essential.
Here is a lesson from me...Turn the mad into sad, turn the anger into disappointment, bank any wisdom earned from the interaction, communicate as needed (or not), and then move on.
It is my pleasure to forward her ripples of positive energy. The world is in dire need.
I asked my sisters, daughters and nieces to take a peek at this list to see if there was anything glaringly missing.
Alana laughed out loud when she thought about the list she would have to make if she was creating her own “lessons from mom.”
I did have a very specific list of “strong suggestions” for my girls that had a very different flavor than the list above. My list included:
- No getting on a reality tv show
- No taking a job that requires the wearing of a humiliating hat
- Don’t eat french onion soup on a first date
- Check your blind spot
- Floss
And a few other easily R (X?) rated suggestions that are not suitable for sharing in this venue!
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