As a grandma who has plenty of opinions, I make an effort to hold on to my thoughts and advice until they are asked for. I may or may not always succeed at that.
What makes it pretty easy to hold my tongue is that I think my grandsons have excellent parents.
This week I watched Lauren successfully navigate one of those situations where she manages to keep her sense of humor and says something along the lines of “Jesus, take the wheel”
The kids were visiting for the week. Adam and I took Elliot to one of those stores on Clement street that are full of inexpensive, imported items. Safety standards are likely nonexistent. For any of you who know a bit of Yiddish, we refer to this as “Schlock,”
We were in the market for things to stick in goody bags for EJ’s upcoming 4th birthday party.
There really wasn’t anything worth getting, but at the last minute Adam grabbed a package of fancy balloons.
When we got to the car, EJ convinced us to give him one of the balloons. We opened the bag and let him select one. As we were driving we noticed a strong smell. After a bit of sniffing, it became apparent that the source of the nasty odor was in fact the balloons. Now in general, balloons often smell a bit like rubber. These smelled more like gasoline.
But Elliot was really enjoying himself.
When we got home we allowed him to blow up a few more and then convinced him to move along to other activities.
The next day Adam left for the weekend to go to a bachelor party of a close friend.
By Saturday, after multiple comments over how horrible the balloons smelled, Lauren made the wise decision to get rid of them. Shame on me for not having that instinct immediately. She didn’t want her son handling anything that smelled so frankly toxic. What’s more, he was putting them in his mouth as he blew them up (sidebar, this almost 4 year old is pretty astonishing when it comes to inflating a balloon.) Add to the equation a baby who was very interested in getting his hands and mouth on them.
So now allow me to set the stage. It had been a stretch of gloomy rainy days. We all had a bit of cabin fever. Elliot was also missing his daddy.
“Where are my balloons?”
“I had to throw them away because they smelled like gasoline”
“But I love my gasoline balloons”
“I know, lovey, but it isn’t good to handle those. We can get other balloons that don’t smell bad”
“NO! I WANT THE ONES THAT SMELL LIKE GASOLINE”
“I never like disappointing you, but sometimes there are ‘nos’ that are health and safety ‘nos’.
“WHERE ARE MY GASOLINE BALLOONS. I AM GOING TO THE GARBAGE TO FIND THEM”
“I threw them in a trash can that isn’t in the house”
“I AM GOING BACK TO THAT STORE TO GET MORE”
“I am afraid they don’t have any more. They had to get rid of them when they realized they weren’t safe.
This went on for a bit. It included Lauren making a call to Adam, who fortunately caught on quickly.
“Hello, is this the store where we bought the gasoline balloons? Is it true that you needed to get rid of all of them?”
“Yes indeed”, said the voice on the phone in some kind of fake, terrible accent. “We had to throw away all the balloons because they weren’t safe.”
Lauren offered many options including running out to a store to get other special balloons. Maybe some that light up? How about balloons with team Spidey or Paw Patrol? Nope, if they didn’t smell like gasoline, they were not going to make the cut.
As this tantrum was going on, Coby, the almost 10 month old was trying to climb up on his mom. Bowie, the 80 pound dog was tossing a ball at her feet asking her to play.
I am a terrible person. I had to add to the chaos by starting to giggle uncontrollably. It was infectious. Lauren and Sandy both started laughing along with me. That did not improve Elliot’s mood.
Lauren is hands down the funniest person I know. If she ever starts to do stand up comedy, the Gasoline balloons need to be added to the routine.
The balloons pictured were survivors of the ‘purge’. How long they stay inside my piano is anybody’s guess.
Wishing everyone a peaceful and happy holiday season and a year absent of noxious odors.
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