Mothers Day 2023/Nurse Judy's real Mom Moments

 

Mothers Day 2023

Mother's Day Musings For many people, Mother’s Day is one of those made up Hallmark Holidays that can hit a wide range of emotions. For lucky families, there is certainly joy and celebration. But, for some it can go from being moderately uncomfortable to downright painful.  It isn’t hard to figure out who might be having a hard time with it; People who never had a mother in their lives or people who have lost a mom. Moms who lost a child, women who couldn’t have children, or women who made the choice not to have kids but perhaps feel a twinge every once in a while. There are also so many wonderful families with no mommy but two amazing daddies. How about immigrant families who are forced to be separated? The list goes on and on. Ouch! My mom died in March of 2017 and I remember absolutely dreading Mother's Day that year. Maybe I was just more sensitive because it felt so raw. Every time I turned on the TV or the radio, there it was, Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day. What are you going to buy your mother this year? Where will you take your mother? Show your mother how much you love her. Newspapers, magazines, Muni signs. I couldn’t escape it. My goal this year is to find something about the day that everyone can celebrate Make it a Mother’s Day tradition to tell your kids or people who are important to you, stories about your mothers, grandmothers, and great grandmothers. Did they have some favorite pieces of wisdom? Share them! Did they have some favorite songs? Sing them! Did they have a favorite cookie recipe? Bake it. It doesn’t need to be biological. Who are the maternal figures in your life? Reach out and give them a little acknowledgment . If you are lucky enough to have a mom to celebrate, simply knowing whether or not flowers are something mom would like or not is a statement all on its own. Don’t make assumptions. If you haven't done it already, make this year the one where you fInd out what they actually want. Maybe go on a special outing or just spend some quality time together. Take lots of photos. Memories might be more valuable than jewelry.  But then, consider that for some moms with young kids, having a bit of alone time may be just as valuable. Give that mom the opportunity to take an uninterrupted nap! Or a candle lit bubble bath (remove the bath toys!) I have an additional offering for all of the moms (or dads) out there who are celebrating. Here is an update of an old post where I list some of my hall of fame failures. Nurse Judy the Mom How many of us feel inadequate when we look at other parents who appear to be super mom or super dad. These magical beings seem to manage to handle whatever life throws at them with ease? They never ever make a mistake or lose their temper.  Um, not likely. What you may see on the outside is not always accurate.  For the most part, I am blessed and my kids have made it easy for me to look pretty good. The truth is though, that we all have our moments. If you ask my daughters for the lamest mommy stories, I certainly have my fair share of times that I did something that they didn’t appreciate or a time I embarrassed them. It seems so silly but Lauren recalls an incident at a zoo night when she was around five that still makes her grimace. That evening there were costumed characters roaming around the zoo dressed as animals. Some had instruments. “Mommy, I dare you to ask that Lion to sing 'The Lion sleeps tonight'” Dare me? Silly girl. I caught up with the Lion and made the song request. The Lion’s response was, “Only if you sing with me” Much to Lauren’s chagrin, the guitar-toting Lion and I created a lovely duet of Weem-a-Whopping ‘In the Jungle’ as we wandered all through the zoo. I think the only time I actually embarrassed Alana was the first time I discovered Lemon Drop Martinis at a friend's Bat Mitzvah Party and danced the night away with a large group of tipsy moms. Those things are dangerous! There was also the time that Lauren and I were practicing our karate moves. She practiced some punches on me and then it was my turn. She had a pillow up to her belly for protection but wasn’t in a proper stance. I did my move and she went flying across the living room. I was horrified. She was furious.  But the hands down winner is the time I drugged Lauren and then put her on a horse. Yes, you read that right. We were doing a family vacation up at the Russian River and scheduled a horse back riding session at beautiful Armstrong Redwood state park. My girls and I could count the number of times that we had been up on a horse. Sandy, the New York City boy, was actually an experienced rider. Lauren had a mild cold and her allergies were bugging her, so I gave her a little something to help dry her up and we were off on our adventure. We were in a guided group along some pretty steep trails. Lauren’s horse had a mind of his own and was straying from the pack. To compound things, Lauren was feeling really quite out of it and was having a hard time staying awake. Sandy held back on his own horse to make sure she didn’t get left behind. She managed to keep it together for the several hour experience, but just barely. She could hardly keep her eyes open. I was concerned that she was really coming down with something worse than a cold. When we got back to our cabin, I figured out what the problem was. I had not taken the time to read the box and had grabbed and given her the nighttime cold/ cough medicine instead of the daytime one. The poor girl was sedated! Since fortunately she didn't fall off the horse, we can laugh about it now.  Trust me. Most parents have done some dumb stuff, the photos on Instagram are usually just showing the better moments. If you are human, take it easy on yourself as long as you gather wisdom and learn lessons. (read the labels, be careful when you practice punching) The fact is, we all have fairly different parenting styles. Alana (who I never punched across the room) generously offered to let me share a glimpse of mine.  Here are some excerpts of the actual letter that I wrote to her when she left for college. She was my baby moving out, so this was a big milestone for me as well. Oh Goodness….Dear little Pooh of mine, How is it possible that it is time for the ….letter. Just a blink ago you were my sleeping, spitty, very large baby. First of all, you know (but I will tell you anyway) how very proud I am of you. I must have done something very wonderful and you are my reward. There is no one quite like you. You are a magical person. You never lose a friend, you just keep collecting them. You are fun to be with. You are kind. You are smart. You are wise beyond your years. Of course, no doubt, that is partly due to me (mommy takes a bow.) We will now review the mommy theories of life. The PIE theory (click the link…it is one of my favorite posts) You know the pie theory very well. So we will simply discuss its relevance now. Your pie is changing more drastically than it ever has before. You have pieces shrinking and other pieces dramatically growing. Just be aware that huge pie shifts are exhausting…if life seems overwhelming for a bit it is perfectly natural as the pieces settle into place and you achieve a new balance. (My pieces will be shifting as well, but my mommy piece is always available to be a large as you need it to be) The Stress Point theory Everything in life causes some amount of stress. Obviously some things have way more stress points than others. Sometimes, though, even the littlest thing can tip the scale and move you from mild stress to moderate stress or to completely stressed out (otherwise known as the straw that broke the camel's back.) Starting anything new is worthy of plenty of stress points. Make sure you get enough sleep, especially at first!! Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll Sex Make good choices…I do not expect you to remain a virgin until you are 30. That would actually be most unfortunate. Just make sure that anything you do is something you will feel good about.    Drugs easy….just say no. Actually just be smart and safe. Alcohol is a drug, and lemon drops taste good…be careful. If you do drink a bit too much, the body can get dehydrated as well as hypoglycemic. Orange juice and graham crackers are good things to eat/drink. Remember: Vomiting all night… Not fun! Know your limit Never let your drink out of your sight Rock and Roll That’s fine, just don’t start liking country or rap Relationships Remember that relationships are learning stations. You will learn what it feels like to dump someone, you will possibly learn what it feels like to be dumped (or at the very least lied to.) You will learn what characteristics you like in a partner and what things you don’t want to put up with. Never regret anything. Cherish the good memories, learn from the bad ones and move on. And the very new theory…partners are like shoes Some you try on  Some you buy Some are comfy, Some just look good, Some will give you blisters if you wear them too long, Some get tight but can be stretched out and worn in (This works doesn’t it!!!) Happy shopping QUICK LIST French onion soup on a first date is probably not a good idea if you want to impress Check your blind spot Floss Use sunscreen Don’t get a job where you need to wear a stupid hat No reality shows (sorry I know this is a tough one) Optical illusions When you get in a disagreement with someone, remember that life is often like an optical illusion, People see what they see, and know what they know. There are indeed white arrows there, but they can’t see the black arrows as hard as they look. (Or they can only see the young lady and can’t see the old crone) Always try to see both images and feel sorry for those obstinate folks that simply can’t Honesty People lie all the time. They think it makes life easier. Lies are heavy to carry around and they often get complicated. It is wonderfully freeing to just tell the truth. It might be difficult for someone to hear, but oh well, they just have to deal. Don’t lie Great saying Love many Trust Few Always paddle your own canoe Easy Mitzvah Call or email your Grandparents. Bambi If the deer discover the magic of Alana (hey all other animals do) don’t feed them, and learn to check your body head to toe for deer ticks. They are tiny and black and look like raised freckles, you can check your scalp by just running your hands through your hair and feeling, you would feel a raised bump (..I bet lots of moms send their kids with letters, perhaps mine is the only one with tick advice?) Have a blast Carpe diem! Seize the day! You are about to start a great adventure. Enjoy every moment! Stop and look at the sunsets! Never ignore a “good sky”. Savor the gorgeous place you are in, Oceans, Redwoods, Deer, Brunch….How lucky are you?!?! I love and adore you. Mommy *********************************************************** Here are some further explanations to help make sense of things Mitzvah A mitzvah is a good deed and I did my share of nagging to make sure my kids made a point of reaching out to their grandparents. I am proud to say that they were pretty good about it, and probably didn’t need quite the amount of nudging that I did. Bambi/ Deer Alana was at UC Santa Cruz, the day we dropped her off, there was a deer standing in front of her dorm as if he was waiting to welcome her. She is an animal magnet; my warning not to pet the deer was necessary. Fifteen years after this letter, Alana has still never lost a friend and continues to collect them.