Thumb sucking/nail biting/ dealing with habits

Habits

Most of us have habits. Some are good. Some are irritating. Some can be harmful. During my years as an advice nurse, I have had countless conversations with parents who were at their wits end due to their kids nail biting and/or thumb sucking. When it comes to children's habits, those are possibly the first that come to mind. For the record, the American Academy of Pediatrics doesn’t feel the need to intervene with thumb sucking until a child is over five. Your dentist might not agree, but thumb sucking isn't usually a concern until a child's permanent teeth come in. At this point, thumb sucking might begin to affect the roof of the mouth (palate) or how the teeth line up. The risk of dental problems is related to how often, how long and how intensely your child sucks on his or her thumb.I usually try to get a start on it when they are about four. The first day of kindergarten or when other transitions are taking place are not a good time to tackle a comforting behavior. Other kids come up with some pretty creative nasty habits that make the parents of the thumb sucker consider themselves lucky. One of the more unusual was the 4 year old who wouldn’t stop licking shopping carts (yuck!) If your older child is consistently putting non food items in their mouth, that behavior can be related to low iron or even an elevated lead level and is worth checking out.   Is it your new year's resolution to tackle your child’s habit? Here is a truth - nagging doesn’t work. In fact, giving a lot of negative attention to a habit might even make it worse. The most effective way to address a habit is to work on it as a team, which means that your child has to be involved and motivated to make a change. Change will only happen when your child is willing to take an active role with the problem solving. Maneuvering so that you can even have this discussion with your child without them shutting you down is easier said than done. You need to find the magic opportunity. I like to share the “supermarket analogy” for this. Many of the parents who have picked my brain about parenting issues have heard this one before, but it is worth refreshing. Imagine your child is the checkout clerk at a supermarket. You are the shopper. There you are, putting the items on the conveyor belt and the checker is systematically scanning them. But then, you aren’t sure quite what the issue is, but something you placed on the conveyor triggered something. The clerk made the abrupt choice to close the line mid transaction. It doesn’t matter that you are not finished, you haven’t paid, or that you have ice cream melting in the cart. There will be no more shopping at this moment. This lane is closed. In spite of this, many of us still stand there, putting more and more items on the belt. We are wasting our time of course. There will be no transaction completed right now. The parents of teenagers are probably nodding. Whenever you want to have a conversation that has an agenda or a teaching moment, you need to find the right moment. Make sure the “line is open”. You might need to use the express lane (or pick one short topic.) If this is a pattern, try to figure out if you recognize what triggers the line to abruptly shut down and approach that subject delicately. It is tricky, but it can be done. When is your child most likely open for a ‘transaction’? Maybe broach the subject when you are in the car, taking a walk, or sitting on the side of the bed during bed time. One-on-one time is usually best if you can manage to carve some out of your schedule. Allow your child to be involved in the choice of whether or not they want to invite other family members or wise friends to the brainstorming. Before you even start the 'habit discussion' consider reading a general book about habits. Berenstain Bears and the Bad Habit, is a good one.   In this classic, Mama Bear explains what a habit is by comparing it to her pushing the wheelbarrow back and forth between the shed and the garden. Over time the wheels have made a deep rut. It is easy enough to wheel the barrow on that well worn track but it would take some effort to push it in any other way. As Mama and Sister walk along to the garden, they talk about the habit in question. Sister Bear nibbles her nails. They brainstorm together about a solution. Reading a book or telling a story about habits is a great launching point for the discussion. Identify the habit that you want to address. Point out other folks you know with different habits so your child doesn’t feel singled out. Do you have habits that you are willing to address and deal with at the same time? What are some of the consequences of the habit? Downsides of nail biting or thumb sucking could include broken and irritated skin, germs, crooked teeth, teasing from other children... Keep in mind that talking about germs can be a slippery slope for some sensitive kids. We don’t want to end up with Lady Macbeth on our hands by terrifying them about living in this germ filled environment. Find a middle ground. There are indeed germs in our world. We can’t get rid of all germs, but good hand washing and keeping our hands our of our mouths is important for everyone. Freaking them out by teaching them about pin-worms should be reserved for older kids. What is the benefit of breaking the habit? Pretty nails, no broken skin, no teasing, less risk of germs. Sore fingers can hurt! What is a good reward to work towards if they succeed? A special outing is my favorite. It also might work to earn points towards a bigger ticket coveted toy or game. What are some ideas that you might come up with to help break the habit? In the Berenstain Bear book, they start the day giving Sister Bear 10 pennies that she will need to give back through the day every time she is caught nibbling. Sometimes the act of having to give something back is indeed more effective than the promise of earning it. There are some products you can apply to make the fingers taste nasty, but I only like to use those when the child has agreed that they are motivated to stop the hand to mouth habit and want to give that a try. A jingly bracelet might serve as a reminder. Having lots of healthy crunchy snacks available to chomp on can help too. When you first start out, small goals might be easier to attain. Maybe a sticker can be earned every hour that they succeed in remembering to keep their hands out of their mouth (or whatever the habit is that you are working on.) Talk about mindfulness. One simple mindfulness exercise is to take a deep breath. Think about where your hands and feet are. Tighten them and then relax them. Take another deep breath. This is good for any habit, but especially for those that involve the hand in the mouth.   Make an agreement about how your child would like you to be their cheerleader. Do they want you to verbally remind them when you see them failing? Do they actually have the power to ask you to stop with the nagging? (This might be you own habit!) They might be relieved to have the power to take your frequent reminders off the table. How about a finger snap,a quick whistle or a tap on your nose if you see them doing the habit? What is their preference? Don’t forget about positive reinforcement for times when you notice they are NOT doing the habit. Experts support that positive reinforcement is one of the best ways to reinforce behaviors. Obviously you don’t need to overdo this by making comments every minute, but giving attention for progress can go along way. Not all habits are bad ones of course. Think of some good ones that you might all want to work on this year! Practicing gratitude and thinking about things in our lives that we should be grateful for is a great one. It is by no means automatic.