Sleep tips through the ages/Insomina

This week's topic Sleep tips through the ages/Insomina

Sleep deprivation is used as a torture device. A good night's sleep is essential for our health and happiness. I brushed up and updated my earlier sleep series. The links are below. Sleep 101 earliest sleeping tips For all of you new parents starting out, the above link has some essential tips to get you started out with good habits Naps and bedtime routines The above link review some nap and bedtime strategies Leaving the crib behind The name of the post speaks for itself, Here are some strategies for keeping your kids to adjust to the new bed and the freedom that comes along with it Making a bedtime book Four month sleep regression post Now it is time for the post for the big kids and adults. I had promised this post over the years, but somehow never got around to doing it. If you or your child are having sleep issues, start playing detective to see if you can figure out an obvious source. Here are some things to consider: Is the insomnia every night or just once in a while? Are there obvious triggers, such as anxiety? Starting school can certainly be a trigger. Are there any changes going on in the family? Is the environment conducive to sleep? Is it dark enough? Consider black out shades. Are there noises around? Consider a white noise machine. Most folks have easier sleep in a cooler room, perhaps invest in a fan. Are they snoring? It might be worth checking in with the Ear Nose and Throat specialist to see if their could be tonsils or adenoids getting in the way. The basic sleep routine matters a lot. Sleep specialists often focus on something called sleep hygiene. This means getting to sleep and waking up at the same time every day. Yes, this means weekends. Some teenagers get themselves sliding down the slippery slope by staying up late on the weekend nights and sleeping late on the weekend mornings. On Sunday evenings when it is bedtime, no one is particularly tired if they just woke up at noon. A week or so of rigid bedtime and wake up can make a huge difference. Avoid screen time for several hours prior to going to sleep. I know this is hard for folks who are trying to finish up homework, but all the specialists are emphatic about this. Try to get your child to do any computer focused homework out of the way first. At the very least, try using a program such as f.lux or nightmode that adjusts the blue light, which is one of the issues shown to impact sleep. Make sure there is no caffeine or too much sugar in the evening. This includes chocolate! Chamomile tea with a splash of warm milk has the combo of the tryptophan from the milk and chamomile in a nice soothing nightcap. For the older kids, teens or adults that are having a tough night, don’t stay in bed tossing and turning any longer than thirty minutes or so. Instead, get out of bed and go sit in a chair or desk and do something boring. This is not the time to read Harry Potter or any book that is a page turner. After fifteen minutes get back in bed and try again. One way to ensure a teen gets back in bed is to limit their reading options to their textbooks (good luck!) Consider meditation, acupuncture/ acupressure and or hypnosis. I have had many patients respond well to those. Did you know that insomnia has a strong connection to anemia and vitamin D level? If you or your child are having chronic sleep issues, consider having your iron and vitamin D levels checked. There is no downside to making sure your diet is getting adequate iron, and that you are getting enough vitamin D, even if you don’t want to go to the lab. While gentle yoga stretching can probably be relaxing, strenuous and heart-pumping exercise should be avoided at least two hours before bedtime.  If none of the above remedies have helped you, occasional use of melatonin is fine. Especially if it is to get over jet lag or to help you get a good night's sleep before an important test or event. ADULTS ONLY CBD is very helpful for occasional sleepless adults. It is essential that you have these stashed carefully away so that your younger kids don’t have access.

When your child plays favorites

When your child plays favorites

I know that we are supposed to be the adults, but when your child seems to show a strong preference for the other parent, feelings get hurt. You can be the head of a multi million dollar company or a world renowned heart surgeon, but when you become a parent, you had better protect that ego of yours. When a 2 year old says “Go away, I only want the other parent..” it feels rotten. It should never be a competition. Ultimately your child will have a unique relationship with each parent. During the first couple of months, accept that if one of the partners is producing breast milk, it is developmentally appropriate for a baby to focus on her. It makes perfect sense. Even if mommy is pumping and the baby is fed from a bottle, mommy smells like milk. She is the sustenance. Being a nursing mom has its highs and lows. One of the benefits is the closeness that ensues. We need to give her this one. Mom has earned it from 9 months of pregnancy and then labor. It is not at all easy to be the primary supplier of your baby’s milk.  Once the infant’s world expands beyond eating and sleeping, it is very common for babies to now make room for the other parents and caregivers in their hearts. It is normal for parents to come in and out of favor as the preferred parent as your child grows. While I hope that you can delight in the fact that your partner and your child have a solid bond, don’t minimize the input that you have over the relationship that you are forging with each child. Do not allow your child to be the one in charge of how much time they spend with you. If your goal is a positive, deep and lasting relationship, then it is essential that each parent gets a slice of quality time with the kids. I know that many of us have busy lives. Make this happen if you can. Family time is great. The more the better, but it isn’t a substitute for one on one time. Take turns with reading, baths, bedtime. Does this sound familiar? “ I want daddy to read”  “Tonight it is my turn”. For kids that are old enough, get a calendar and show them. If something is stated as a rule it is sometimes more readily accepted. "See today it is August 21.There is a big P for papa. That means it is my turn to do bedtime. Tomorrow is the D for daddy." If they are old enough to articulate their demands, they are old enough to understand the concept of rules. Acknowledge their displeasure. “No..I only want daddy to put me to bed” “I see that you are mad/sad that daddy isn’t doing bedtime tonight. How many ‘Phooeys’ are you feeling. Five? Okay, PHOOEY PHOOEY PHOOEY PHOOEY PHOOEY. Lets do an extra loud one together PHOOEY!! Okay, Now, which story or song should we pick” My husband brought his guitar in for some bedtime singing each night and earned the spot as the preferred parent for the final tucking in. Make an effort, figure out your gimmick and get that pendulum swinging back towards the center. Truthfully, a 60/40 favorite parent is probably more normal than not. This tends to go in waves. If you feel like you are moving into a 70/30 then I think action is needed. Don’t get caught in the trap of spending less time with your child because they are playing favorites. Make an effort to adjust the balance. The answer is usually finding quality time. Even if you are a busy working parent, make the time that you have together count (put your phone away)! Find the common interests. Figure out a hobby that you can do together. Many parents get caught in the trap of good cop/bad cop. If that is happening to you, it is time to step away and look hard at what is going on. We often come from different upbringings and discipline style. It is imperative for the two parents to agree on common standards. Figure out the rules and then enforce them equally.  If you are having trouble coming to agreement on the family rules, see if both parents can agree to have a third party to work with to help you find a compromise. Even if you think you are on the same page as your partner it is a good habit that if older kids get into trouble, delay handing down a consequence until you have discussed the situation:  “Both of the parents will discuss this privately and will tell you what the consequence will be.” This might avoid the out of proportion ridiculous punishment that you want to hand out simply because you are frustrated. “No play-dates or television for a month!” While that might be satisfying for a moment, giving a consequence that you know you can’t follow through with will just weaken your position. Aside from discipline issues, some personalities are naturally easier together while some people clash. There is no reason to think this doesn’t happen with a parent/child relationship. Careful management now will reflect in the relationship that you carry over with your adult child. Learn how to communicate with each other. That can take work but it is worth the investment. My bottom line suggestion is that time management is the key to solving a lot of issues. Kids playing favorites is just one of them. Schedule family together time: Outings, game night, family meals...etc. Make opportunities for one on one time with each kid: find a hobby that you enjoy working on together. My dad and I played piano and violin duets. Every time I hear one of the pieces we played I get full of positive emotions. For younger kids, put the bedtime routine on the calendar. Parents are in charge of this, not the kids. Make opportunities for one on one time with your partner. Having an intact relationship with your partner is one of the best gifts you can give your kids. See if you can find another couple to swap babysitting with if it gets too pricey to have an evening out. Carve out some sanctioned (no guilt) alone time. Everyone needs to put their own oxygen mask on first. It will make you function better. Maybe this is something as simple as going for a run, or taking a nap. Some people need this more than others. Identify your needs with your partner and see what can be done to allow you a bit of time. Not everyone has the capacity to arrange these quality time opportunities as regularly as you like, but get your calendar out and see what you can figure out.