Part 2
Sleep tidbits part two/ Shifting nap times and bedtime routines
Here is a quick
reference for the average sleep needs by age group per day:
Birth - 2 months: 14 to
18 hours (cat naps)
2 - 4 months: 13 to 14
hours (starting to shift to 3-naps per day)
5 - 6 months: 12 to 14
hours (3 naps)
7 - 12 months: 12 to 14
hours (2 to 3 naps)
1 - 2 years:
12 to 14 hours (includes 1 or 2 naps)
2 - 4 years:
12 to 13 hours (1 nap)
5 years: 11-12 hours (hopefully 1 nap)
Sleep requirements vary
from person to person.
Hopefully by the
time your baby is routinely eating solids foods you are all getting to sleep
through the night. Doing a dream feed before you go to sleep yourself works
well for some families.
Kids need naps. If they
don't get them, they get overtired and actually don't end up sleeping as well
at night. Generally a good napper is a good sleeper. Someone who is overtired
from missing naps has an even harder time with bedtime. I know it is counter
intuitive, but sleep begets sleep.
Many babies and toddlers
will begin to fight their naps but this does not mean they are ready to drop
them. Sleep is necessary for healthy brain development and your sanity! Having
a shifting nap schedule is always challenging, as they grow from needing three
naps a day down to two and finally down to just the one. When your nap schedule
no longer feels like it is working, don’t panic, take a few days to observe
your baby’s new patterns, and adjust the schedule. No doubt you have made many
appointments that will no longer work.
If you are looking for
some schedules. This blog is a great reference
Do your best to
avoid the late afternoon crash that wreaks havoc with bedtime. Try to be firm
about at least one nap a day in their crib/bed. More is always better. I
realize that if you have more than one child, the baby might be doing more naps
while out and about. It is what it is; do the best you can.
Assuming you have the
luxury of a schedule that allows for a firm nap time, be consistent. Have a
brief routine leading up to the nap, make the room dim, consider having a
little quiet music playlist that you can set for a certain amount of time.
There are great bedtime playlists that you can find online.
For the kids old enough
to get it, they can be taught that it is nap time/quiet time in bed until the
music stops. Toddler clocks can also be set so they know when they are allowed
to get out of bed. A video monitor with a microphone that allows you to talk to
your child can be a huge asset. In other words, “get your asset back in bed!”
Be consistent and don’t wait until they are out of the room. If they do make it
out, bring them right back to bed. Either say nothing or a short phrase such
as, “nap time.” When they are older and claim not to be tired, continue to
insist on the quiet time even if they don't fall asleep. It is really common
for some kids to nap much better for a nanny or at daycare than they do with
the more inconsistent parents. Kids can follow rules fairly well as long as
they know what they are.
With any sleep training,
including naps, your job is to be very clear and follow through. First step is
to enforce that your child will be in be in their bed/crib for naptime for a
certain amount of time on a reasonably regular schedule. If your child is
really resisting, it may be that initially you need to sit there, gradually
move your chair further and further away until you don't need to be in the
room. Do a quiet activity to keep yourself occupied while you are in there.
For the record, I would
like to think that I have a lot more knowledge and experience now than I did
then, but I personally failed 'Naps 101'. My first time around I somehow
couldn't allow myself to simply place my daughter in her crib and have a little
"down time" for myself. My older daughter Lauren made the rules. Naps
would be in my bed with me. She had a tight hold of my hair, and as part
of this routine, I had hold of her foot. I wasn't going anywhere. If you are
able to take a nap with your child, enjoy. I actually loved it. The important
thing is that you figure out what works for you. Just don't ignore the
importance of naps.
*Safety tip: If you are
both sleeping and your child is not in a crib, make sure you have a bell or
alarm on door so you will be woken if your child gets up and starts to wander.
For night time our
ultimate goal is to have your child be able to drift off with minimal
intervention and sleep well until the morning. If possible, start winding down
at least 30 minutes before the nighttime ritual starts. Don't give anything
with sugar or caffeine. Avoid roughhousing, or stimulating screen time. It is
important to find a bedtime that works for your family and accounts for your
child's sleep needs. I know it can be challenging with working parents. Many
folks want to spend precious time with their kids at the end of the day, but it
is important to start the routine before your child is already overtired. Forty
five minutes is a good length of time from the start of the bedtime ritual
until sleep. Keep this time consistent except for special occasion exceptions.
My husband was the
bedtime enforcer. One night when he was out of town, even though it was a
school night, I kept the girls out late at some friends' house. They started
getting crabby as our evening was wrapping up. I said, "Hey look, I let
you stay up late as a special treat, so you need to stop being grouchy."
They both essentially responded, "we are grumpy because we are tired and
you should have made us go home. Mommy should know better."
Betrayed!!!
Create a ritual that
your child will look forward to. This might include reading books or telling a
story. Have a set number of books you will read, or a set limit to story time
and STICK TO IT! One option is to have one book at the start of the bedtime
ritual and if, and only if, your child cooperates while getting ready
(toothbrushing, going to the bathroom, getting into pajamas, etc.), do they get
a second book right before bed. Once you go down the slippery slope of "just
one more" you are stuck.
Perhaps talk a little
about the day or a pleasant upcoming event that you are anticipating. A
few minutes of massage are a lovely way to end the day. Hands, feet and
earlobes have relaxation points (find the reflexology maps online.) Make sure
the environment is a safe and soothing one. Use light to your advantage and get
the room dimmer and dimmer throughout the bedtime activities. Some families
like white noise in the room, such as a HEPA filter or fan. It may create a habit,
but so what. It is not something that I have issue with. Just as I suggest for
naps, there are also a lot of lovely lullaby CD's available that set a nice
ambiance for the bedtime ritual that you are creating.
Some children sleep
better with a special blanket or stuffed animal. Once they are over a year I am
fine with these, although I would still avoid things that are super cushy until
they are two.
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