The power of Storytelling

 

Happy Birthday to my mom, this one's for her!

My mom could go into a room full of chaos. “Once upon a time..” she would start in a steady calm voice.

It wouldn’t be long before everyone in the room was hanging on her every word; whatever they had been in a snit about a moment ago was forgotten.

She would then take her audience on a magical journey with a story that she often made up as she went. If it were a classic tale, you could count on her to take dramatic liberties. I don’t believe she told any story quite the same way twice. In her kindergarten classroom she would have her students shut their eyes as she told her tales.

“Use your imagination”, she would tell them. “I am thinking of a big black dog, he has 2 floppy ears. He also has 2 tails and 3 eyes!”

One distinct recollection of a time when mom’s storytelling saved the day comes to mind. Many years ago, my younger daughter Alana had several friends spending the night. In one of my bigger lapses in good “mommy judgement” I had rented a movie that I thought they would all enjoy. It turned out to be fairly dark and scary (always pre-screen, don’t rely on faulty memory of what may or may not be appropriate.) One of the girls started to cry and some of the other girls started to get sad and upset. While a few of them wanted to stop the movie, of course the majority wanted to keep watching. The situation seemed like it could go downhill quickly. Fortunately my mom was visiting. She took control, turned off the movie and started to tell stories. These weren’t toddlers; they must have been about ten. They sat raptly listening to story after story. The evening was saved.

I am my mother’s daughter.

If I happen to be taking a walk outside and see something unusual such as a pair of shoes sitting by themselves on a street corner, I can’t help but think to myself - Here is a story. How did those shoes get there?

I took a page out of my mom’s book, so to say, and used storytelling at work on a regular basis. I can’t even count how many times I would be called into an exam room where a crying, or cowering child was terrified of a ‘dreaded shot’. I would start my story:

“Once upon a time there was a patient who was so big. (How big was he)? He played football for his high school. He was bigger than me, he was probably bigger than the grown up in your house, he was really big.….and he was really scared of getting shots” .

At this point 90% of the kids would now be still and listening to me talk. Yes, they might have been huddled on their parents lap, or on the floor under the chair. They were probably not making eye contact, but I had their attention.

“He wasn’t afraid of getting bumped around on the football field but he hated shots. He was so scared of them that he would try to hide. He tried to hide inside the garbage can, but he wouldn’t fit..” Now 99% were listening and some were almost laughing.

From there I was able to start a dialogue with them about why we were giving the shot. “It is magic protection so that if certain germs get inside of your body, you won’t get sick.” We talked about the fact that we wished there was a less yucky way to get the protection and that it was really normal for lots of people to be scared of shots. We talked about the fact that sometimes being brave is simply trying hard to hold still and it is still really okay to cry and yell if they need to. As soon as they were ready, my medical assistant Josie (the best shot giver in the country) had already gotten it done.

It all started by engaging them with a story.

Books are wonderful too, but in truth, they also are not quite the same as a story. A story is yours to tweak as you please. Stories are powerful mediums for working through issues.

Folks who have asked me for parenting advice over the years know that using stories is a favorite tool. For as long as I can remember I have been counseling parents to create a fictional child of a similar age. Talk about what that parallel child has been going through. This tends to be a very non threatening way to talk about all sorts of issues.

These stories are great ways to launch into a dialogue about all sorts of positive and/or negative ways that the protagonist can deal with a variety of situations. This is an excellent problem solving technique.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who had an ‘owie’ ear. The doctor had given her some medicine to make it better, but when she tried the medicine it tasted yucky….

Once upon a time there was a little boy who kept getting out of bed at night……

Once upon a time there was a little person who get really upset when he didn’t win a game…….

You get the idea.

When I was working on the original version of this post, I mentioned the storytelling theme to one of the wise mamas in my life. She immediately referred to these as “Annie Stories”. That was written back 1988 but the concept is pretty timeless.

Now I am retired from the office job, I am no longer giving shots, or routinely giving parenting advice, but I have a much more important role as Grandma and the story telling continues.

My oldest grandson Elliot and I created a very naughty child named Melvin.

(I had an Uncle Melvin who was quite nice, so I am not quite sure about how this name came about, but Melvin he is)

Melvin gets into all sorts of trouble.

He puts stuff in his nose and ends up at the doctor

He refuses to put on shoes and steps on all sorts of things, the sharper or yuckier the better.

One night he refuses to get into bed unless his favorite spider man sheets were on the bed, but oh wait! Those ones got accidentally peed on previous night and were still in the laundry…..

At his insistence mom puts the pishy sheets back on. They smell like pee.

Melvin decides that perhaps he will sleep in the clean batman sheets after all.

The stories can get pretty convoluted, but EJ can’t get enough of them.

Not everything has to have a purpose. Sometimes stories are just for fun.

Sometimes you can start one and then take turns telling it and see what direction it takes.

Or you can ask your kids it to pick 2 or 3 random things to include along with a certain feeling; an umbrella, a goose and someone who is nervous…go!

Our kids these days are both blessed and cursed with the enormous choices of digital wonders. I am not opposed to limited use of regulated tech time, but it should not be in place of plain old imagination.

Go ahead and ‘power down’ and be thankful for the magic moments that you capture as you snuggle with your kids and simply tell a story. “Once upon a time......