I hope that your holiday plans haven’t been impacted by the pandemic, but if they were, you are not alone. So many people I know are testing positive and cancelling their plans.
This year, I have potentially been exposed to COVID. I will not be celebrating in person with family and friends. Instead, I am isolating and hunkering down with my husband and our Granddog Bowie (who hates the rain).
Wishing you all safe, healthy and happy holidays
There is a reason that therapists need to work overtime in December. In many cases, the holiday season is the absolute set up for potential angst and disappointment. Holidays can feel magical for some lucky kids, but by the time most people reach adulthood, those same holidays can stir up a lot of powerful feelings. Not all of them are necessarily positive. Depending on the person and the family these feelings are often a mix of joy and dread. Hooray for you if you are an exception. Hallmark Christmas movies are an absolute treat, but the fact is, society sets a high bar for how it should be. Sparkling lights, delicious food, getting a pile of perfect gifts, family and friends gathering happily, What could go wrong? The sad thing is that for many people, if you end up having a perfectly fine day, that isn’t good enough when anything less than perfection is apt to disappoint. Writer Rebecca Solnit puts it well. “So many of us believe in perfection, which ruins everything else, because perfect is not only the enemy of good; it’s also the enemy of the realistic, the possible, and the fun.” It is a great time to focus on small moments of joy that we have within our grasp. Are you feeling low? Come on, there has to be something that can bring some cheer. Even looking at some sparkling lights, or being cozy inside on a rainy evening. If you are lucky enough to have your kids at home, can you do a family snuggle and tell stories? This is also a good time of year to remind ourselves to be clear on the difference between things we have control over and those that we don’t. Gifts You have very little control over what you receive, but if you pay more attention to what you are giving, you can’t be disappointed. This is a great lesson for the kids. Start early focusing on how wonderful it is to give. A good gift doesn’t have to be something you buy. Give the gift of your time, or something you make. How about a foot massage to family members? Sign me up. Everyone has different wants and needs when it comes to gifts. You might also decide to give one big family gift, like an outing or a trip, instead of individual ones. There are no rules. Another enormous source of stress might be the timing of the gift. There are many things out of your control including shipping and/or availability of a desired item. The value of the gift should not be dependent on whether or not it ends up under the tree in time. Take a photo of whatever it is and put that in an envelope. The actual gift will get there when it gets there. Take a deep breath. Family If you are lucky enough to have a family that you want to be with, and it is the togetherness that is what counts, forgive me for this suggestion, but the actual holiday doesn’t need to be only one time of year that you gather. There is something very freeing from avoiding travel when the rest of the world is also fighting to get to their destinations and paying twice as much to get there. I know plenty of people who celebrate a week early or later. There is nothing wrong with that! (If you are reading this from a long line in a crowded airport, I know I am a bit late with this suggestion) Oath’s therapist, the amazing Brittany, adds that it is important to be cognizant. If this is the first holiday/Christmas since a loved one passed, or you have experienced loss, it is okay to initiate dialogue about how you miss the friends and/or family members who are no longer with you. Try to tell stories and share happy memories instead of avoiding their absence. Traditions Take stock of your holiday traditions. Believe it or not nothing is set in stone. You get to choose which ones are achievable or not and which ones bring you joy. Is there something on the list that should no longer be on there for whatever reason? Cross it out! See if it is missed. Identify which things matter and which things simply cause stress and don’t add value. Talk to the kids and find out which things matter the most to them. You can also adopt new traditions. Have a virtual sing along with friends and family near and far, watch the Twilight Zone marathon. Reach out to people in your lives who may not have friends and family around. Food tends to be an important part of any holiday culture. Making a family recipe or special meal can make you feel close to relatives even if you are far away from each other. Bring the laptop into the kitchen and cook or bake together on zoom. Moving forward, forge traditions that feel great and are easy to achieve. Maybe your kids will be the ones who grow up without any holiday angst! |
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