Adjusting to the time shift

Adjusting to the time shift

I am quite certain that it will happen. Forty eight hours or so before the official directive to set our clocks back, I will glance at a clock somewhere in my house and do a double take, “What? It is only 9 o'clock? It feels so much later!” Sandy will laugh and we will know that he ‘got me yet again’. There are so many clocks to adjust in our houses these days between the clocks in the cars, microwaves, coffee makers, etc. Some adjust automatically, but for the others, in our family it is Sandy’s job to make the changes, and for all of the years that we have been together, it has been his habit to start the process several days ahead of time. Even though I should know better, invariably there will be the moment I look at a clock and get confused and caught off guard. Indeed, twice a year the powers that be have decided that we need to adjust our times either one hour backwards or forwards. Some people love it and others hate it, but unless the law changes, or you live in Hawaii or Arizona, it is something most of us need to deal with. In general, for most adults, other than a tiny bit of lag, a one hour time shift is a no big deal. However it is quite the thing when you have a baby who is already waking up at 6 am. If you don’t make a bit of effort in advance, the ‘Fall Back’ means the babies are now awake at 5am (shudder!) With a little bit of planning, the following tips should make it a bit easier for you. Before we tackle the time shift, let's review some sleep basics. There are many different approaches to helping your kids sleep well, but here are the cornerstones. Getting enough sleep is essential, not only for the health of your child, but for the sake of your own sanity. If your child has the ability to do some self soothing, everything will be easier on you. It is never too early to start paying attention to this. Even if they are only able to doze off without having a nipple in their mouth or by having you actively rocking them once a day, consider that a win. Create a routine and strong sleep association, such as a special song, massage or snuggle. Make the environment conducive to good sleep. People tend to sleep better in cool dark rooms. Babies are no exception. A perfect temp is somewhere around the 68 degree range. See what you can do to keep the room dark. Consider the use of a Hepa filter or white noise machine. Hopefully once your little one weighs more than 14 pounds, they are giving you a good stretch at night and are on somewhat of a regular schedule. This is not something I count on for babies who are younger than 4 or 5 months. For you newer parents, take a deep breath, you need to be patient for just a bit longer. Babies still need to be feeding at night for the first several months. This phase will pass. Even though the young ones don’t usually have a real schedule in place yet, and it is normal for them to be feeding during the night, self soothing, sleep associations and a good environment are still very important, trust me! If you start good habits early, you will tilt the odds in your favor for getting a good nights sleep sooner than later. Once your baby is routinely sleeping through the night, the sleep goal should be that they stay in bed roughly 11 hours after bedtime. If bedtime is 7:30pm, the ideal wake up time would be 6:30 am (I see some of you rolling your eyes at the concept of 6:30 am being considered ideal. Someday you will be able to sleep in again, just not right now.) The simplest way to adjust to the new time zone is to do it gradually. I would suggest starting a week or so earlier and every night, move the bedtime 10 minutes earlier. This fall, the official time to change the clocks is 2am, Sunday, November 1st, but most people (except Sandy) change the clocks on Saturday night. For toddlers and preschool kids, many parents end up purchasing a toddler clock or someway that the kids can see so they know when they are allowed out of bed in the morning. If they get up earlier, for the big kids, calmly walk them back to their room, but with the infants, you can do the check in and pat them. Pam from Sweet Dreams suggests not switching your clocks until you actually wake up on Sunday morning. I tend to agree with her, but I would add that being conscious of the “extra hour” can be a fun thing to do with your kids. For the grown ups, make sure you each get an hour of being off duty. Spend it doing something just for yourself, maybe a bubble bath, or some meditation or go for a run. It is your hour. Your partner gets one as well. For the kids, ask them how they would like to spend their hour. I want to make one more point about the early waking. When my sisters and I were young, my mom was the first one up. She loved the dawn. Sometimes it was because it was the only time she could claim quiet time before the rest of us woke up, but there was something about it that called to her. The reason that this lifestyle worked for her was because whenever she could, she also went to sleep early. Many of us get a second wind in the evenings and enjoy some adult time once the kids are in bed, but if you are routinely exhausted in the morning, it might be worth the effort to put your kids schedule on the back burner for the moment and take a look at your own. Sleep needs vary. How much do you tend to get? How much do you think you need? If you are running at a steady deficit, this is going to start taking a toll on every aspect of your life. Much of the time it is simply about making better choices. Yes, I am saying that perhaps you should stop binge watching whatever series you are following, or put down candy crush and get into bed! If you have trouble falling asleep, make sure your iron and vitamin D levels are within normal limits. When your kids have grown and you are retired, you can sleep in as late as you wish. The years with young kids in the house are fleeting. Most kids are early birds. See if you can train yourself to embrace this, or at least not look at it as torture. If life offered the option of going back in time, I wouldn’t rule out a 6 am encounter with my babies Enjoy your extra hour! I hope your kids behave. You are on your own with your pets......

Happy Birthday to Frida the Lamp

Happy Birthday to Frida the Lamp

As many of you know, Sandy and I spent 2 months last year wandering around Europe by train and by foot. Knowing what we now know, I am so grateful that we traveled while we could. We packed extremely sparingly. We each had one small rolling suitcase and shared one smalI backpack that we took turns wearing (meaning I had it 5% of the time and Sandy had it the other 95%) I found that packing cubes were essential (Sandy found them useless). My suitcase was like an intricate puzzle. Things just fit exactly. There wasn’t a spare micro inch for anything else. We didn’t do much shopping, because we simply couldn’t fit anything extra. I joked that every time I used a Q-Tip there was a tiny bit more room in my suitcase. Because we were doing so much walking, we were grateful that we were able to manage traveling so lightly. Typically we would simply have to manage our stuff from the train station to whatever lodging we had chosen. Finding lodging that was walking distance to the train station location was always a consideration when selecting our hotel, or AirBnB. It was amazing how much walking we did. We ended up taking a total of 3 cabs/ubers the entire 2 months! A bit over the midway point in our trip we were in the lovely city of Florence. Our daughter Lauren and her husband Adam had been in Italy several months earlier. She had a favor to ask. While they were there she had fallen in love with a lamp that she saw in a cute little store. It wasn’t cheap. She wavered for several days and couldn’t stop thinking about it. Adam strongly encouraged her to just buy it, and finally Lauren agreed. On their last day, they returned to the store and to their great dismay found that it was closed. How many of you have had the item that “got away”, you were in a store eyeing something, but decided for whatever reason not to buy it and the moment was lost? For Sandy and me, it was a clock. If you live in the Bay Area, you might have seen it. Many years ago, a quirky store in Sausalito had several amazing clocks in their window. These were large clocks with gold wire mechanical figures climbing and moving about throughout. We were both enthralled. It wasn’t so much that they were expensive, but they were also big, and we weren’t even sure where we could put it. One day we were over in Sausalito and saw that the store was going out of business. The one clock left was on sale; should we finally get it? We gave ourselves a night to think about it. When we went back the next day it was gone. The store was shuttered. Of course now that we had lost our chance, we really wanted it even more. We did an internet search putting in all the keywords that might help us, but we never saw anything quite like it. We were out of luck. We still look for it! Whenever we pass an antique shop we pop in to see if ‘Our Clock” is there. So, when Lauren told us about the lamp, we understood. She insisted that she would want to reimburse us, but could we go by and purchase one of the lamps for her? She remembered exactly where the store was.  We went to the store and immediately understood why she was charmed. It turns out that there were dozens of these wonderful lamps. They were figures holding umbrella lamp shades. Each one was wearing something different and was holding a different colored umbrella. They all had names. They were all unique. We connected with Lauren over WhatsApp, explained to the puzzled shop owners what we were doing, and wandered through the store showing her all of the options. It is easy to take for granted how easy it is to communicate these days. When I traveled as a teenager my poor mom had to wait weeks for the airmail letters to get through. Lauren ended up choosing the lamp named Frida. We started the process of buying it but when we got to the shipping option we were shocked to find that the shipping cost was almost as high as the cost of the lamp. We did some searching around to see what all the options were. The lamps were NOT available for purchase in the US and there was no way to ship it without paying exorbitant costs. We updated Lauren and she sighed and told us to never mind. Sandy and I thought about it overnight and both of us came to the same conclusion. We would get it and just carry it with us. The store did a magnificent job creating a little handle on the large box and we were on our way. Did I mention “large box’? The lamp was taller than my suitcase.  So, as mommies and daddies will do for their kids, we schlepped this large lamp with us for the rest of our travels. If this lamp had her own passport, it would be an impressive one, When we were lucky, Frida got her own seat on the train. During our last night in Amsterdam, for some reason we were upgraded to a 4 bedroom suite (the benefit of traveling off season); Frida the lamp got her own room! On our flight home, she was too large to take on as a carryon, but we were amused that she was literally the first thing to appear on the baggage carousel. Friday now lives happily shedding some light on Lauren’s piano. It is hard to fathom that it was almost exactly a year ago that we got her. It feels like just moments have past, while at the same time it could be a century ago. Many of my posts and stories have a lesson to be gleaned. Hmmmm, not sure what the lesson from this one is. Maybe.. When you see something super special, if you can afford it, don’t let it get away. There are usually more regrets from passing it by, then buying it. OR A bit of short term schlepping is absolutely worth the long term pleasure. OR When we are all are able to travel once again, packing cubes are great! (except for Sandy, but I think more people agree with me!)

Your famiy tree. How far can you trace back?

Your Family Tree/ How far back can you trace?

When Lauren was in 4th grade, her class was given an assignment. Pick a grandparent or great grandparent who immigrated to this country. Where did they come from? What was their story? Lauren ended up picking one of her great grandmothers, Mollie Kivowitz, but the project got me thinking. I was curious to trace all of the branches to highlight each of the ancestors who made the courageous journey to a new life in America. Sandy and the girls bought me a family tree program for Chanukah that year and I went to work. As part of my search I sent letters to relatives and talked to older aunts and uncles trying to get as much information as I could. I was very fortunate to find relatives from different branches who had already done a lot of family tree legwork and were willing to share. In the process I made wonderful connections with long lost relatives. Some branches are easier to find information on than others. For one thing, a name like Smith is going to be a lot tougher than one like Kivowitz. There are other factors. My paternal grandfather, Asher Isaacs, came from a family that had the distinction of being the only family in America at that time that could claim having 8 members (including my grandfather) who were members of the Phi Beta Kappa honor society. That branch was almost too easy, since there are actually multiple books written about them. Other branches take quite a bit more digging and the information is going to be based on a combination of stories that were passed down along with census searches. It is easier than it used to be. A lot of this stuff is online. Here is an assignment to all of you. If you are blessed enough to have people to ask, capture this information while you can. See what you can find out! On my mom’s side I have a second cousin who is a popular comedian/late night talk show host. Mom would tell stories about sitting on the porch with her first cousin and doing the routine catching up on kids. “Lauren got the starring role in her high school play” "Seth is hosting the Whitehouse Correspondents' Dinner" Um. My father's side is peppered with people that were known to have the 'second sight' and includes his first cousin Dr. Brian Weiss, MD, an author who has written extensively about past life regression therapy ( brianweiss.com/ ) (No, I don’t have a familiar relationship with either of my famous relatives.) Simply writing the names down in a family tree program doesn’t necessarily bring their stories to life. During my search, I was able to capture a lot, but so much has been lost to time. I am grateful for whatever stories have been captured and sad at all of those that are beyond my reach. After my mom died, when we were at the family house sorting through old letters, I came across a pile of correspondence between my mom’s parents. These were love letters, filled with personality and pet names; sweet and funny treasures, but they left me thinking. I wonder how Flora and Asher met? How is it that I didn’t know that story? The loss of my mom pierced through me with the realization that there was no one left to ask.  Some little piece of my brain nudged me to do an internet search. Amazing, there it was! Back in 1987, the Pittsburgh chapter of the National Council of Jewish Women did an oral history project. My grandmother was interviewed! She was 86 at the time. There are 4 sections of the interview, each 30 minutes, that are online. In the first section she gives me the answer I was seeking. She tells the story of how she met my grandfather! I felt like the universe had given me a gift. I just listened to these again this week as I was getting my daily steps. The first sounds of her voice still get me choked up, but then I get swept up in her stories.  Make this effort for your children and their legacy. How far can you go back? Some families can’t trace back too far, others can go back many generations. Celebrate the remarkable mix of cultures and DNA that have combined to create you and any offspring that you might have. Don’t be afraid of the moonshiners or the proverbial black sheep that are on your tree. They all led to this moment in time. Time passes and opportunities are fleeting. Talk to your older relatives! They will likely love telling you their tales!