My mom could go into a room full of chaos. “Once upon a time..” she would start in a steady calm voice.
It wouldn’t be long before everyone in
the room was hanging on her every word; whatever they had been in a
snit about a moment ago was forgotten.
She would then take her audience on a
magical journey with a story that she often made up as she went. If it
were a classic tale, you could count on her to take dramatic liberties. I
don’t believe she told any story quite the same way twice. In her
kindergarten classroom she would have her students shut their eyes as
she told her tales.
"Use your imagination", she would tell
them. "I am thinking of a big black dog, he has 2 floppy ears. He also
has 2 tails and 3 eyes!"
One distinct recollection of a
time when mom’s storytelling saved the day comes to mind. My younger
daughter Alana had several friends spending the night. In one of my
bigger lapses in good “mommy judgement” I had rented a movie that I
thought they would all enjoy. It turned out to be fairly dark and scary
(always pre-screen, don’t rely on faulty memory of what may or may not
be appropriate.) One of the girls started to cry and some of the other
girls started to get sad and upset. A few of them wanted to stop the
movie, but of course most of the others wanted to keep watching. The
situation seemed like it could go downhill quickly. Fortunately my mom
was visiting. She took control, turned off the movie and started to tell
stories. These weren’t toddlers; they must have been about ten. They
sat raptly listening to story after story. The evening was saved.
Books are wonderful too, but in truth, they also are not quite the same as a story. A story is yours to tweak as you please. Stories are powerful mediums for working through issues. Folks who have asked me for parenting advice over the years know that using stories is a favorite tool. For as long as I can remember I have been counseling parents to create a fictional child with a similar name. Talk about what that parallel child has been going through. This tends to be a very non threatening way to talk about all sorts of issues. Once upon a time there was a little girl who had an “owie” ear. The doctor had given her some medicine to make it better, but when she tried the medicine it tasted yucky.”....
Once upon a time there was a little boy who didn’t like to stay in bed……
Once upon a time there was a little girl who didn’t want to go to school...
Once upon a time there was a little boy who liked to put pieces of cheese in his nose….
These stories are great ways to
launch into a dialogue about all sorts of positive and/or negative ways
that the protagonist can deal with a variety of situations. This is an
excellent problem solving technique.
When I was working on this post, I
mentioned the storytelling theme to one of the wise mamas in my life.
She immediately referred to these as “Annie Stories”. It turns out that
back in 1988 this was quite the thing, and there was a book about how to
use this method:
I use storytelling at work on a
regular basis. Many of our savvy parents who know that they have a “shot
phobic” patient on their hands, will make sure that they schedule the
visit when Josie and I are both there. Josie is my amazing medical
assistant who has been my ‘right hand’ at the office for many years.
I can’t even count how many times I have
been called into an exam room where a crying, or cowering child is
terrified of a “dreaded shot”.... I start my story:
“Once upon a time there was a patient
who was so big. He played football for his high school. He was bigger
than me, he was probably bigger than the grown up in your house, he was
really big...and he was really scared of getting shots." At this point
90% of the kids are now still and listening to me talk. Yes, they might
be huddled on their parents lap, or on the floor under the chair. They
are probably not making eye contact, but I have their attention.
“He wasn’t afraid of getting
bumped around on the football field but he hated shots. He was so scared
of them that he would try to hide. He tried to hide inside the garbage
can, but he wouldn't fit..” Now 99% are listening and some are almost
laughing.
From here I am able to start a dialogue
with them about why we are giving the shot. “It is magic protection so
that if certain germs get inside of your body, you won’t get sick.” We
talk about the fact that we wish there was a less yucky way to get the
protection and that it is really normal for lots of people to be scared
of shots. We talk about the fact that being brave is trying hard to hold
still and it is still really okay to cry and yell if they need to. As soon as they are ready, Josie (the best shot giver in the country) has already gotten it done.
It all starts by engaging them with a story.
Not everything has to have a purpose. Sometimes stories are just for fun
If I happen to be taking a walk
outside and see something unusual such as a pair of shoes sitting by
themselves on a street corner, I can’t help to think to myself. Here is a
story. How did those shoes get there? Take turns telling the same
story. Families can have a wonderful time creating a collaborative tale.
Another wise Mama tells me that she used to have her kids give her three things that they wanted the story to include; perhaps a special name or a certain feeling.
Our kids these days are both
blessed and cursed with the enormous choices of digital wonders. I am
not opposed to limited use of regulated tech time, but it should not be
in place of plain old imagination.
Recent studies show that books and stories started young have a real impact on brain development:
This Black Friday, as people run around to shop for all kinds of new technological marvels, don’t forget to “power down” and be thankful for the magic moments that you capture as you snuggle with your kids and simply tell a story. "Once upon a time...... |
There are so many different factors to consider when facing most of the common parenting issues. The Nurse Judy approach is a combination of many years of medical experience, a desire to treat things as naturally as possible, a large dollop of common sense. email nursejudysf@gmail.com to be added to my weekly email list
Friday, November 27, 2015
The Power of story telling
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