Family Dinners

 So many parents already have a full to-do list and are not really in the market for ‘one more thing’ that they are ‘supposed to do’.

I hear you, but bear with me for a moment.

There is more and more research out there that eating together as a family can have a real impact.

The benefits include:

• lower rates of overweight and obesity, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, depression, and eating disorders

• Higher self esteem and better academic performance. Those who have family meals are shown to have a better vocabulary

Kids who eat together with the family also tend to eat a wider variety of foods.

It certainly doesn’t need to be daily. Even 3 or 4 nights a week can make a difference. It also doesn’t even have to be dinner! Maybe your family work schedule can only manage a 10 minute breakfast! The point is that you set your intention that at least several times a week, you will have a family meal. If the thought of this is stressing you out, start small. Even one meal together is better than nothing.

One of the best things about this family time is simply an opportunity for connection.

Try to put the phones and screens away. This means no television playing in the background!

If the phone rings:

Hey if this isn’t urgent, I will call you back in an hour. We are having our family meal.

Don’t underestimate the message that your kids are hearing from this. The time with them matters and you are making it a priority.

Make it understood that this is a time when the family is sitting together.  It is about more than eating. Even if one person is just moving the food around their plate, their presence is important. 

Although I am aware that there are social media posts warning you against asking the very basic How was your day? Sometimes that might be the only question that you have the energy for.

But if you want to get beyond one word answer of Fine, then here are some potential talking points…

What was something you did today that was kind?

Did you learn anything new? 

Did something surprise you?

Did anything interesting happen?

Did anything funny happen?

Or focus on the senses.

Did you smell something especially good or yucky?

Did you notice something beautiful?

Did you notice any interesting textures?

There should be no obligation to participate if they don’t want to, but they can still listen to everyone else.

With any new thing, trying to get everyone to gather at one time may feel like you are herding cats. Offer a transition time to dinner so that you are not yanking them away from whatever they are doing.

10 minutes until dinner...etc

Maybe have a collection of fun placemats (you can make some as art projects) and let one kid be in charge of which ones you will use and then have everyone help set the table. 

In general, knowing how to set a table is a good skill that many people lack.

You will likely find that once the ritual is established, it is easier to get everyone to the table.

Have them help pick out the menu, or help cook.

If you want your kid to be able to make an omelet when they go off to college, having them start young will help them become much more self-sufficient.

To keep the drama to a minimum, have a ‘no thank you’ bowl, where they can deposit food that they don’t want to eat, rather than whining or tossing it.

Give positive attention when they are eating what everyone else is eating, but have a safe food at the ready if they are having ‘that kind of day’

If you can get the family meal ritual set when the kids are young, you have a better chance of keeping it going as your kids get older. Having these opportunities for connection and communication can be invaluable

Thanks to my mom, I did grow up with nightly family meals. But full disclosure, I was not at all consistent with it with my own kids (and they are stellar human beings none the less!)

Looking back, that is one thing I would have done differently.

Even beyond the research, instinctively it feels like a really positive and worthwhile effort.