Stop feeling guilty for finding moments of joy

Have you ever gone from laughing to crying and then back again in a single breath? I know I have. Emotions don’t follow rules. They jumble in all at once. It is perfectly normal to be able to host more than one emotion at the same time. Why am I paying attention to this now?  Because, these days, when I ask someone how they are doing, the response is usually a protracted sigh. Many people feel guilt or shame if they are among the population that is actually doing somewhat okay during these tumultuous times. People seem reluctant to admit that they are intact. I think I will start changing my question. Instead of the broad, “How are you?”, I will amend it to “How are things in your tiny little corner of the universe?” By no means should we afford ourselves the luxury of ignoring what is happening to the state of the world these days. It is essential to listen, pay attention, learn and support others who are fighting real battles with health and/or racial injustice. If you need to feel some heartache over current events, allow it, but if you can, put some limits on it. As my daughter Alana says about a tricky emotion, “invite it in for tea, but don’t let it stay for too long”.  In order to continue to live well, we also need to invite the joy in. Think of it as your oxygen mask. You need to take care of your mental health so that you can then tend to the needs of others. If your immediate friends and family are intact, then as a family you can reach out further and put positive energy out in the world. It starts with you. Joy is everywhere. You just have to notice it.  I frequently walk up to the top of twin peaks. It is currently closed to cars, I confess that I will have mixed feelings when it opens back up. There is joy in looking at the flowers, hearing the birds, smiling at the children who are busy making chalk drawings on the sidewalks. I give a greeting to all the waggy dogs. There is joy in the sweet clear air when I sneak my mask down below my nose for a few moments. I am thrilled that my body graces me with the ability to get up there without passing out. And then there is the spectacular view which is a reward all by itself. How can I feel contentment when the world is in so much turmoil? How can any of us? Because we must. I had recently been chatting with some patients who had new babies. They were exhausted, but euphoric. The discussion was about how they had mixed feelings of sharing their happiness with others. You don’t need to hide. The world needs that joy!